


The Rag Doll

by Lelalemon



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Don't Examine This Too Closely, Don't underestimate Spencer, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mild torture, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mutilation, Rape/Non-con Elements, Reid gets kidnapped, Reid is a victim, Reid isn't part of the BAU, criminal minds - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:31:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2188452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lelalemon/pseuds/Lelalemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer is a living rag doll for an insane man until he's rescued by the BAU. They take him in because he has no where to go and the case isn't done until all of the ends are tied. In the mean time, they try to break Spencer of his captor's hold and give him a true life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Spencer wakes in the morning like he does every day. He sits up on the bed and rubs his eyes. He brushes his teeth and uses the restroom and then waits on the floor in front of the bed on his knees. The clock says it's time for a visit from his master. The man comes in and Spencer presses his lips together on instinct. He'd never been allowed to speak to this man.

Master sits on the bed and Spencer leans forward. In the early days of his capture he'd had his mouth sewn shut. It had been one of the most painful experiences of his life. He'd been forced to wear rings that keep his lips shut ever since.

Now, what must be months later, the holes were healed enough that this part didn't really hurt. He hadn't tried to speak since then. Master takes out the rings he uses at night and replaces them with the metal ones. They keep his lips pressed more tightly than the overnight ones.

When his master is finished Spencer sits in the bed and waits. Every morning, unless his master was depressed or ill, was exactly like this. He would be groomed and clothed and kissed and fed and manipulated like a doll. That's all he was to this man- a living rag doll.

The man looks through the closet and pulls out an unassuming dress. Next come panties and stockings. He undresses Spencer and lovingly lays him out on the bed. The panties come on first. Spencer had stopped feeling awkward about his uncovered penis being seen and touched. It didn't matter anymore.

The stockings come on next. Master made sure he stayed completely shaven every other day so that the stockings would look nice. He then sits Spencer up and pulls the dress on him. It's one of the ones Spencer likes more. There's nothing itchy on it. It's not tight or constricting. It's not heavy.

He's led to the vanity. He never looks in the mirror. He keeps his eyes unfocused and down. Master lifts his face gently. "Keep them open, darling," he says. Spencer concentrates on keeps his eyes open as his master applies mascara. Next he applies lip balm with a finger running through the spaces where the piercings are.

His hair is brushed gently and pulled into pig tails. Master clips bows to each side and then helps Spencer stand.

He's not allowed to eat like a normal person. That would require his mouth to move. He has an iv tubing line permanently placed in his stomach. The man puts a bag on it and sits him at the table while he eats his breakfast.

At first Spencer had gone through blinding pain at being starved and fed only through the tube. After months he's more used to it. Used to the constant gnaw of hunger. The way his body feels empty and void of energy. He'd lost more weight than he thought was possible. His master liked him thin.

When the pouch is done master unhooks it and wipes Spencer off. He's lifted from his seat and walked to the living room. The few steps of walking always feel hard. Going up the stairs would be impossible if not for his master's strong grip.

Master turns the tv on for him and begins to work on his laptop. Spencer stares at the television but doesn't take in any of the details. He falls asleep propped up on the couch. He wakes suddenly to master sitting next to him and petting his thigh. He's getting another feeding. "I don't think I fed you enough yesterday. I'm sorry baby doll." He leans Spencer's head onto his shoulder and Spencer closes his eyes again.

Master trails his hand back up Spencer's inner thigh. Spencer has to hold in a whimper of despair. He hates this part of the day. He continues to touch; letting his fingers dance all over Spencer's pliant body until the feeding is over. He wipes Spencer down again and helps him stand.

Spencer holds onto his captor's shirt. It's one of the only things he's allowed to do without being punished. They make their way up the stairs and into his bedroom. He's changed, for lack of a better word. He's cleaned out with an enema as he is every day. He's allowed to urinate and empty. When he's finished master wipes him down but doesn't replace his clothes. His port is bandaged with a cloth bandage and he's carried to the bed.

He's shivering, as he usually does. His master kisses his lips and settles his own naked body atop Spencer's. He's careful not to apply his full weight. He'd done it once and left bruising. One time he'd held Spencer's wrists so tightly while he made love to him that he'd broken one.

He uses two fingers to probe Spencer and smear lube in and around him. He sits on his knees and pulls Spencer's hips to impale on his cock. Spencer winces and keeps his eyes shut tight. A sharp smack to his hip opens them and master's eyes glare into his. He keeps his eyes wide open and focused on the ceiling.

"That's my good baby doll, oh yes. Such a good baby," he coos to Spencer. His hands squeeze Spencer's hips tight and he pounds in, telling Spencer he's close to orgasm. Spencer's own member is half hard but Spencer feels no need to finish. Master jerks him with his hand until he'd fully hard. Spencer begins panting but keeps his eyes open as much as he can. He finishes in master's hand with a small whine that is forgiven in the post-bliss haze of his master's sick mind.

He pulls Spencer close to him and holds him like a lover. Spencer goes back to sleep. Master carries him to the bath and wipes him clean. He redresses him and shakes Spencer awake. Spencer's eyes open but his face remains blank. "Do you want a lolly today?" He asks. Spencer blinks and looks toward the container. It's the sign that he will accept. If he's not feeling up to it he looks at the floor and the conversation is dropped.

Master settles him down on the couch and grabs a lolly. Spencer shivers again and looks straight into his captor's eyes. "I'll grab you a cardigan. Be right back," he's told. Spencer flexes his arms and his legs before master comes back. The cardigan is lovingly placed on him. One of the rings on the side of his mouth is removed and Spencer is given his treat. He has to eat slowly. His throat is not as good at swallowing as it had been and he would choke if he wasn't careful.

"I was thinking that tonight we could go for a walk and enjoy the snow. It started falling today," master says. Spencer looks up at him and blinks slowly. Master smiles. "I'll grab a coat and I'll make some hot chocolate." Spencer finishes his sucker and leaves the paper stick in his mouth. The first time he'd been left alone after a treat he'd taken the sucker stick out. It had infuriated the man enough that he'd hit him.

As far as master goes, he's insane. Spencer is honestly surprised he'd not yet amputated any limbs to render him more helpless, but he wasn't unduly cruel. He had never left Spencer without a meal. He'd never made him go without using the toilet. He'd never beaten him without provocation, so to be hit had been a shift and Spencer had ceased trying to do the little things. He'd left it all up to the man after that.

Master comes back and gently pries the stick from his mouth with a smile. The ring is replaced. A scarf is twirled delicately around his mouth and neck. It would keep him warm and prevent outsiders from seeing the rings. A thick wool coat is the next to come on. "Do you want a hat?" The man asks. Spencer looks at the ground. The man kisses his cheek and grabs shoes. He gently inserts Spencer's legs into the snow boots and smiles.

"My little snow princess," he says affectionately. He gathers Spencer into his arms and kisses his lips chastely. "More lip balm?" He asks. Spencer looks into his eyes. The man applies a second cover and replaces the balm in his pocket.

He holds Spencer around the waist while they walk. Spencer's arm is wrapped around his to make sure he doesn't fall. He watches small flurries of snow fall down and children in their yards play excitedly. There wasn't enough snow to do much more than toss it at one another but they all looked red-nosed and happy.

"Are you alright?" He asks worriedly. Spencer blinks at him. "Maybe it's time to head back," he says with a soft smile. Spencer tightens his grip and master doesn't comment on it. When they return home he's divested of his outerwear but the cardigan stays on. Master makes some hot chocolate and allows Spencer to sip at it.

Spencer is exhausted by the short walk and looks at master until the attention is returned. "Want to watch a movie before bed? I'll get your feeding kit and we'll watch something Christmasy." Spencer blinks and master smiles at him.

His feeding bag is hooked up and master plays a cartoon about little creatures that are getting ready for Christmas. He holds Spencer and kisses sporadically at his cheek or neck. When the movie is over master carries Spencer to his own room. He wipes the makeup off of Spencer's eyes and removes the rings from his mouth. "Brush your teeth," he tells Spencer. Spencer brushes his teeth and uses the restroom again before returning to the room. He kneels on the floor and allows master to replace his rings with the night version.

He's dressed in warm, soft pajamas and tucked into bed. "You make me so happy baby doll. There's nobody else for me." He places warm kisses to Spencer's lips and shuts the lights out before leaving.

And it's the same thing every day until it's not.


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer wakes up and brushes his teeth and uses the restroom before kneels before the bed. Master comes in not long after with less vigor than usual. He sits on the bed with a sigh and pulls the piercings out. Spencer is still looking up at him and he sighs again. He runs a hand through Spencer's hair and allows his self to half smile.

  
"Baby doll, I wish I could be better for you. You're so perfect," he says. Spencer doesn't react. The man presses a kiss to his lips and replaces the piercings. Spencer sits on the bed and master sorts through his laundry. "I'm going to be busy all day so you're going to sit on the couch like a good baby doll," he says.

  
He puts Spencer's panties on first and then dresses him in pajama bottoms and a top. He puts socks on his feet and smiles a little. "If you get too warm I'll know," he says. He brushes Spencer's hair out and braids it. He applies the barest amount of mascara and a coating of lip balm and leads Spencer to the table for breakfast.

  
Once Spencer's feeding is finished he's taken to the couch and proper up comfortably. A small throw is put over him and the man kisses his lips before heading to his desk on the other side of the room.

  
Spencer has no idea what his master does for a living. He only knows that he very rarely goes out of the house. When he does it's not for very long. If Spencer is awake he handcuffs Spencer to the couch and knocks him out with something that he injects into his port.

  
He's sat there for a couple of hours. His body is beginning to cramp and he looks over at master. It doesn't take long for master to notice. He smiles softly and comes to the couch. He helps Spencer stand and stretch before sitting down with a huff and gently pulling Spencer down to straddle his lap. He rubs the upper part of Spencer's thighs.

"I wish I didn't have to work Baby doll. I wish I could just be with you all the time," he says. Spencer maintains the eye contact. He can feel the man under him hardening. Master licks and sucks at his neck while pulls his hips down to rub on his.

  
The man gets up quickly and holds Spencer under his bottom to rush up the stairs. He brings him to bed and all but rips the pants from him. He takes the time to wrap up the feeding tube port before quickly coating him in lube and pressing inside.

  
Spencer whines at the pain of a sudden insertion and the man shoves his face into the pillows. He knocks their bodies together without hesitancy. He presses on Spencer's back down to get him into a better position but gives up.

  
He pulls out and flips Spencer over. He likes to see Spencer's face when he finishes. He grabs him by the hips and reinserts. Spencer stays silent and stares at the ceiling. Master wasn't usually this passionate. "Oh God baby doll," he groans. He grabs one of Spencer's arms for leverage and pounds into him, body covering Spencer's but not crushing him.

  
When he comes he squeezes the arm and Spencer cries out for the first time since he'd been caught. The man looks down at him. Spencer eyes are watering and his arm is bent awkwardly. "Oh baby doll, I'm so sorry," the man says. He pulls out gently and looks the arm over.

  
Spencer can tell that it's broken. He sniffles and presses his lips together but his eyes continue to water. The man gets up and comes back with a first aid kit. "It's alright. It can be fixed baby doll," he says. He injects Spencer's port and rubs his belly until Spencer falls asleep.

  
He wakes in master's lap on the couch. He's being fed and his head feels swimmy. His arm tingles and he looks to find it's in a cast. "I'm glad to see you're awake," master says softly. Spencer looks up at him and blinks.

  
"I didn't mean to hurt you baby doll. You know that, right?" Spencer blinks again without looking away and the man smiles. "I'm going to make it up to you. I'll be here with you for the rest of the day." Spencer spends the next few hours curled in his lap with a blanket over the both of them. Master rubs soft, warm circles on his belly and they watch movies together until bed time.

  
Master gets him ready for bed like usual but stops after he tucks Spencer in. He holds a gaze at Spencer. Spencer keeps his eyes on the wall next to him but is aware of the staring. "I love you baby doll." Spencer turns his head to looks at him and blinks. Master smiles and turns the lights out.

  
Spencer turns over and closes his eyes tight. How much longer could he survive here? How much longer until he was too fragile for master and is killed for a new model? He exhales deeply and willing his self to sleep. To forget about the pain of his arm and his stomach and his mouth and his legs and arms and muscles and skin and just get away from this life.


	3. Chapter 3

Spencer wakes as usual and brushes his teeth and uses the restroom before kneels at his bed. Master comes in with a wide smile that shrinks a little when he sees Spencer’s cast. “Good morning baby doll. I hope you slept well. Today I’m going to dress you up extra pretty.” Spencer doesn’t react. He takes the piercings out and replaces them. Spencer sits on the bed and watches him compare dresses. He pulls out a dress made of lace and velvet. It’s dark red and cream colored.

“Prefect for the holidays,” he says happily. Next are warm, fleece tights and white satin panties. He dresses Spencer and carefully rolls the sleeve over his cast and kisses his mouth. “You look adorable.” Spencer sits at the vanity and allows him to brush his hair. He brains the top half to look like a crown and leaves the rest down. He applies the usual make up and lip balm but doesn’t pull Spencer up when he’s done. He applies another layer of balm with a careful warm finger. His pinky and his eyes linger on Spencer’s lips. “You’re so beautiful,” he says breathlessly. Spencer continues to hold eye contact with him. The man begins to pull on the piercings until the middle one comes off. Then the side and he drops down to his knees to look up at Spencer. “Open your mouth,” he says. A cold chill runs through Spencer’s body. What if the man decided to cut out his tongue instead? Was this going to be punishment for crying out yesterday? He opens his mouth slowly. He’d not stretched his mouth open this far since before he was captured. The man watches with glistening eyes. “Close it,” he says. Spencer brings his lips back together slowly. The man kisses his again, for the first time without piercings. Spencer doesn’t react. The man opens his lips easily and licks inside his mouth. Spencer wills his tongue to remain still. The man applies more balm and kisses him again. “I don’t know how I’ll resist you today, baby doll,” he says. He pulls Spencer out of the chair and down onto his knees before stands and unzipping his pants. He pulls Spencer’s chin and inserts his self into Spencer’s mouth.

Spencer had never done this before. “Lick, come on baby doll.” Spencer licks hesitantly. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to do this without moving. Master grabs his hair and thrusts in and out, more than happy to do the work his self. Spencer gags when it reaches too far in but master doesn’t slow. “Look at me,” he says. Spencer’s watery eyes stare up into his and he groans before finishing. “Swallow,” he’s commanded. Spencer swallows a little but the rest he has to spit out.

Master wipes his face and sits him back on the vanity chair. He applies a final coating and replaces the piercings. He brings Spencer into the kitchen and carefully hooks up the food to his tubing. Spencer sits properly and waits for the bag to empty. He almost wishes the man would give up and let him starve to death.

“Baby doll, do you want a lolly?” The man asks. Spencer looks down. He’s not in the mood for anything. The man frowns but finishes his own breakfast. He brings Spencer into the living room and puts a movie on for him. He fluffs the pretty dress out and smiles before covering Spencer with a blanket and going to his desk. Spencer has been sitting long enough that the movie has replayed once and is half through again before the man returns to him. “Are you hungry? Let me get you some lunch,” he says sweetly. He hooks the food up and sits next to him. He pulls Spencer’s head to rest on his shoulder and wraps an arm around him.

“Do you want to go outside today?” He asks. Spencer looks down at the floor. “But you look so very pretty today, baby doll. It will be good for you. I’ll give you some more medication before we go.” Spencer doesn’t argue. He doesn’t look up. The man sighs and wipes him off after the bag is empty and goes to finds Spencer’s shoes and coat. He wraps him in the scarf first before putting the shoes in his feet. He helps Spencer up and wraps the coat around him. “Let’s go for a little walk,” he says softly and takes him in his arms. Spencer holds onto him like last time since his other arm is useless. They walk to a park, which is further from the house than Spencer’s ever been before he feels like he can walk no longer. He looks up at master and master seems to understand. He clears off a bench and helps Spencer sit. “Beautiful, right? My mom used to take me here to ice skate when I was a little boy,” he says. Spencer watches the children playing on the ice. “I wish we could have children, baby doll.” He says. Spencer involuntarily gags and has a full body shiver. Master’s eyes burn onto his skin. He leans back against the man but can’t stop the shivering. Master’s eyes soften again. “Are you getting cold? Come on, we’ll go back.” He helps Spencer stand and has to essentially carry him the way back home.

He puts the heat on and curl with him to watch a movie that they both fall asleep to. They wake when the door is busted in and there are screams that the FBI is there. Master jumps from the couch and pulls Spencer up. A well-built black man and an older, humorless looking man stand at the front with other FBI behind them. “David Marksmith, you’re under arrest for human trafficking, kidnapping, and murder. Separate and put your hands up.” Spencer had never learned his master’s name and he looks up with a blank face. The man is shaking his head. “It looks like our time is up, baby doll,” he says softly. “I want a promise that if I sit her down you won’t hurt her,” he calls back. The humorless man steps forward. “Of course,” he says. Master presses a kiss to Spencer’s lips and sits him down on the couch. “Keep your eyes on my baby doll. I love you,” master says. Spencer’s eyes stay locked on his.

He pulls a gun from his back but is shot before he can even aim. His body falls onto the floor and Spencer doesn’t know what to do. The well-built man points his gun next at Spencer. “I need you to stand up and put your arms up,” he says. Spencer turns slowly and sees that they’re talking to him. “Ma’am, I don’t want to have to hurt you,’ the humorless one says. Spencer stands and lifts one arm and keeps the other bent to his chest. “That arm’s broken, Morgan,” the humorless one says to the well-built one. They approach and Spencer begins to shake. “Ma’am, it’s alright,” Morgan says. “Hotch, this isn’t an accomplice,” Morgan says. He approaches carefully and calls for a medic. “Her mouth is sewn shut,” Morgan says. Hotch tilts her head up and looks her mouth over. “What the hell was he doing with her?” One of the officers behind them asks. “She’s right here, have some respect,” the dark one growls at him. The medics come in and their eyes widen at Spencer’s condition. “I’ll go with her,” Hotch announces. The medics put Spencer on the table and Hotch follows them out. Spencer keeps his eyes on Hotch and flinches whenever he moves. “Would you rather I had a female officer go with you?” Hotch asks. Spencer looks down. “Would you rather I had Morgan go?” Spencer keeps his head down. “If you feel uncomfortable with me I can come back later,” Hotch says. Spencer looks up at his face and begs in his head for the man not to leave him alone. He seems to understand. He sits down and Spencer looks up at the ceiling the whole ride over.


	4. Chapter 4

The hospital rolls him into a private room and shuts the door as soon as Hotch is inside. "Do you want him here or do you want him to leave?" The nurse asks him. He looks down and the nurse tells Hotch to step outside. Spencer looks up and tries to grab for him. Why didn't they understand what he was trying to say?

Hotch looks back at the nurse and she nods that he may stay. Spencer holds onto Hotch's hand. "I need to see your body to make my report. Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a female office here?" Spencer keeps eye contact with Hotch.

The nurse starts with his lips. She undoes the piercings and drops them into a small plastic pan on her tray. "Can you open your mouth?" She asks. Spencer opens slowly and she inspects his mouth. "The wounds are already healed. It looks like her lips were sewn with thread before being secured with these. Her teeth are very healthy."

Hotch squeezes the small hand. "I'm going to remove your clothes so that I can document your injuries. Are you sure you want him here?" The nurse asks. Spencer looks at her and then back at him. "Can you nod for yes?" Hotch asks and examples. "Or shake your head for no?" Spencer sends a quick nod and then looks back into Hotch's eyes.

The strap on Spencer's arm comes off and his dress is unzipped and pulled away. The nurse and Hotch are both surprised at what they find under. More than the ribs and the absence of any fat, they had been expecting to find an emaciated woman's body.

The young victim is a male. "Oh my, well that is unexpected," the nurse murmurs. "Do you want a male nurse, or do you want me to stay?" She asks. Spencer looks at her and nods. "Me?" She asks. Spencer nods again.

The stockings come off next and then the panties. She covers his genitals in a gown while she looks over his chest and back. "He was using a feeding tube to feed him, but he wasn't being fed enough," the nurse says. "Can you tell me your name?" The nurse asks. Spencer just stares. Hotch offers a notebook and a pen. "Can you write it out?" He asks gently. Spencer takes the pen in his shaking right hand.

He spells out "Spencer Reid." Hotch sends a text while the nurse looks over his port. "Did you have a feeding tube before…?" She asks carefully. He shakes his head. "How old are you?" She asks. He looks down. He has no idea. "When is your birthday?" Hotch asks. Spencer writes out 10/09/1991. Hotch sends another text.

"He's twenty-three. My team is looking for his information right now." Spencer looks back at the nurse. He pulls the gown up and frowns slightly. "I need to run a rape kit. Are you comfortable with that?" She asks. Spencer nods quickly again but squeezes Hotch's hand. Hotch leans closer to him.

"You're alright Spencer. You're going to be okay. We're going to find out what happened to you and we're going to make sure you get home safe. I know you've been through a lot and you've been very helpful. It's alright," he says. Spencer feels tears in his eyes and he closes them shut.

He can feel the nurse touching him and it's uncomfortable. "There is tearing that suggests he's been raped often. There are some major tears suggesting there was some violence recently. Nothing he won't recover from quickly." The nurse says. She covers him back up and sighs. "Can you stand? I need to weigh and measure you sweetheart."

Spencer nods and gets up on shaking legs. "I can already tell that he's underweight. We will have to see if his body will ever be able to handle real food again," she says. He leans on Hotch and they make their way to the scales.

"He's 6'1 and 119 pounds. That is seriously underweight. He should be around 160 pounds." Hotch frowns at the young man. His phone goes off and he looks down at it. "They're faxing his records over right now." They walk Spencer back to the hospital room and help him lie down.

"According to the records you were missing a little over a year ago. Your professor reported it. Do you have a family we can call?" Hotch asks. Spencer shakes his head. A doctor comes in and frowns at the boy.

"Hello Spencer. I'm Dr. Kittos. I'm going to be your attending. Is it alright if I sit down with you?" Spencer nods. "Can you speak, Spencer?" He asks, taking a seat. Spencer shrugs. "Can you try for me son?" Spencer shakes his head.

"Thanks alright, that's alright," the doctor says. "He's been able to write out answers for us," Hotch says. The doctor smiles. "I am Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner from the BAU," Hotch says. The doctor shakes his hand.

"Has his family been contacted?" The doctor asks. "There isn't a family. It was a professor that called him in as missing." The doctor frowns. "He'll need to be put in a nursing home, then. He won't be able to live alone, maybe not for the rest of his life."

Spencer just continues to stare at the bed. "We'll see how it goes." Hotch responds. Could they really call this case complete if they didn't know the fate of this young man? There's a knock on the door and a nurse opens it. "There another agent out here asking if he can come in. SSA Derek Morgan," she says.

Hotch looks at the doctor who in turn nods. Derek comes in and sits next to the bed. "Morgan, this is Spencer Reid," Hotch says. Morgan nods. "Garcia told me,' he says before looking at Spencer. "How're you doing?"

Spencer looks away quickly. "Hey now, I'm a friend. I won't hurt you. You're not in any trouble. We're here to help you," Morgan says softly. "Can he have food?" He asks the doctor. "We're not sure. He's hooked up to a feeding tube now. We'll be able to test that when we have him more stabilized."

Morgan runs a hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry we didn't find you sooner, Spencer. I'm sorry you went through that." Spencer shrugs and looks at Hotch. "We'll leave you to rest now. We'll come back in the morning, alright?" Hotch says. Spencer nods and they make sure he's comfortable before leaving.

"He doesn't have anywhere to go and the doctor says he can't live alone so they're going to put him in a nursing home. Probably for the rest of his life," Hotch says. Morgan turns around and stops him. "He's twenty-three. You're telling me the rest of his life is over now?"

Hotch doesn't blink. "He'll probably never be able to function alone." Morgan growls. "This is murder. He's still alive but this is murder," Morgan says. Hotch looks down for a moment before returning eye contact. "One of us could take him to Quantico. To stay with them. He's an adult, he'd just have to consent to it."

Morgan looks Hotch over. "He's most comfortable with you. Are you sure you want to do that?" Hotch bites his tongue for a moment before responding. "I don't feel like this case is really over without knowing that he'll be okay."

Morgan smiles at Hotch. "I'm with you all the way bossman. If you need anything, I'm on your side with this. Come on, let's get back. We can come when visiting hours start."


	5. Chapter 5

Spencer curls under the blankets and thinks about the events of this day. Master is dead. He doesn’t have anywhere to go. He has nothing.

His whole life is over now and there’s nothing he can do. He can’t even eat properly. His eyes water and he leans further into the pillow. Why didn’t master take him with him? Master could have killed him first and then it wouldn’t matter. Instead he’s here. He’ll be surrounded by strangers for the rest of his life, now.

He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. His lips tingle and he licks them for the first time in a year. They’re dry and starting to crack. Maybe he can ask Mr. Hotch for his lip balm in the morning. If he even comes back.

Linelinelinelinelineline

Spencer wakes to a nurse shaking him. “Sweetheart, I need to hook up your feeding tube.” Spencer turns a little and watches the nurse hook him up. She smiles at him and pets his hair softly. “That’s all. Thank you Spencer. You can go back to sleep now if you’d like,” she says quietly. He lies down but continues to look out the door.

“Visiting hours start in an hour. I’ll let you know when they show up.” Spencer nods and goes back to staring at the door. He waits the hour. Another nurse comes in to clean his port and goes without saying much. The next person at the door is the nice nurse that fed him. “Agents Hotchner and Morgan are here. Would you like me to let them in?” She asks. He nods and sits up.

They come in and thank the nurse before sitting down at his bedside. “Spencer, you’re in bad shape,” Morgan says. Spencer looks at him with a frown. “The doctor doesn’t think you’ll ever be able to function enough to live alone. You don’t have any family so they want to send you to a nursing home,’ he finishes explaining.

Spencer lays his head back down. He was hoping for better news. “I don’t think you deserve that,” Hotchner says. Spencer looks at him. “It’s not fair to you. I’d like to take you back to Virginia with us. I’ll take care of you there. My team will help,” he explains.

Spencer tilts his head. “I can’t let them lock you up. I have the resources to take care of you, but that’s only if you want me to. Only if you consent to it.” Spencer looks at Morgan. He has an honest but sad smile on his face. Spencer nods quickly.

Hotch smiles a little. “Thank you Spencer. I’m glad. We’re going to wrap up our case. The doctor says you’ll be able to be transferred today, as long as you consent. We’ll come back in a few hours to get you. It’s all going to be alright now.”

Hotch and Morgan stand but Spencer grabs Hotch’s coat. Hotch sits back down. Spencer mimics writing and looks at Hotch. He pulls out his writing pad and hands Spencer a pen. “Can I have my lip balm from the house?”

Hotch looks over his request. “I don’t know that I can get anything from the house, but I’ll try. Where was it?” Spencer writes the location of the balm. “If I can’t get it for you, I’ll get you some more, alright?” Spencer’s eyes widen and he nods. The two gents leave and Spencer closes his eyes to go back to sleep.

Linelinelineline

He is allowed to take the balm. They say it’s not part of their evidence. He looks around at the other things in the house and takes in Spencer’s shirt size and shoe size and pant size. He’s not going to take any of these dress up clothes back to Spencer. He’ll get him his own real clothes.

He leaves Morgan to finish the paperwork and finds a local store. He buys new clothes for the boy. He gets soap and shaving supplies and a toothbrush and toothpaste. He heads back to the hospital.

Spencer is sitting up and watching the bag of food run into his body. “I got you some clothes. And a toothbrush,” Hotch says. Spencer looks at him and Hotch can’t read what he’s trying to say. He digs in his pocket and pulls the balm out and hands it to Spencer. Spencer smiles for the first time that Hotch has seen.

The note pad he’d left earlier is still sitting on the bedside. “Thank you,” Spencer writes. Hotch smiles back and pets his hair. “Let’s get you dressed. The plane is leaving in thirty minutes.” Hotch helps the boy slip the boxers on, followed by the pants and shirt. He puts the socks on Spencer’s feet and gains another smile.

He slips slippers onto his feet and helps him into a coat. He wheels Spencer to the front door and helps him walk to the car. He buckles the young man in and they begin to drive. “I’m to take you to the hospital in Virgin so that they can continue to monitor your feeding. They’re going to try and see if you can handle real food.”

Spencer nods and continues looking outside of the car. He’d lived here for a year but he’d only been as far as the park near master’s house. Spencer doesn’t move or speak the entire car ride to the airport. Hotch helps him out of the car and onto the jet. He sits Spencer on the couch near the windows and sits next to him.

“If you’d like to sleep, you can. If you want to get up and move around you can do that too. And there’s a restroom right over there,” Hotch says while pointing. There are other people in the jet. Most he recognizes from the raid that killed his master.

Derek sits next to the duo and offers Spencer a book. “I don’t know if you like to read but it’s something to do for a few hours.” Spencer’s entire face lights up. He grins and it makes Morgan grin. “I think you found his happy button,” the blonde girl says with a smile.

Master had never let him read, but before master… Before that he’d loved reading. He engrosses his self in the book and doesn’t look back up until he’s finished it.


	6. Chapter 6

When the plane lands Hotch helps Spencer off. He seats him in his car and they go straight to the hospital. “You’re not a doll to us Spencer. You’re going to be able to have a life now. A life of your own. You’ll be able to dress how you want and read and anything. You can even go back to school.”

Spencer looks up at Hotch and works through it in his mind. How will he do all of those things if he’s unable to care for himself at all? Hotch clears his throat.

“I have a son. He lives in my house, of course. He’s two. Are you okay with that?” He asks, seeming honestly worried. Spencer nods. “You’re not attracted to them or anything?” He asks. Spencer shakes his head. He’s not attracted to anyone or anything.

In a time long ago when he was Spencer and not Baby Doll he had been interested in people. In men. Men around campus. One of the professors he taught with. But master had squashed that desire from him.

“His name is Jack. He’s not going to understand, but I’ll try and explain it delicately so that I am careful of your privacy.” Spencer blinks at Hotch and smiles faintly. Why was this man so nice to him? The smile drops almost suddenly.

Is this man only bringing him home to be a doll too? It’s not the worst thing, he guesses. What if the man is bringing him home to torture him? To kill him? To let him die a slow, painful, agonizing death so that they were rid of him?

What would Hotch expect of him?

* * *

Hotch parks the car at the hospital in Quantico. “You need to be admitted here. They think for another few weeks. Maybe not so long. Is that okay?” Hotch asks. Spencer nods slowly. Hotch comes around to his side and opens the door. “Do you want help out?” He asks

Spencer nods but then stops. He doesn’t want the help. He wants what this man is promising. He wants to do things on his own again, but it seems too hard. Hotch takes his arm and helps lift him out and the opportunity is lost.

He leads Spencer into the hospital and exchanges notes and papers with the security officer in front. He’s put in a wheelchair and taken to a private room. “Spencer, do you want to eat regular food again if it’s possible?” Hotch asks. Spencer is dying to ask him what kind of question that is.

Of course he does. Who wants to live in this misery? Why would… And then it hits him. Hotch has been asking him what he wants, even in situations where there is really only one possible answer to show him that he has a choice and that what he says about his life matters.

Spencer nods and Hotch gives him a warm smile. Spencer is lying down on the hospital table listening to Hotch read the paper to him when there’s a knock on the door. Spencer looks over at a smiling blonde woman. “Hey Hotch, is it alright if I come in?”

Hotch turns to Spencer “This is agent JJ. Would you mind if she came in and sat with us?” He asks. Spencer shakes his head. She comes in with a soft, motherly presence and sits. “Hello Spencer. I’m Jennifer. The team calls me JJ. I’m glad I get to meet you,” she tells him.

Spencer smiles back for a second and looks away from her. She means well, he can see that, but she’s oozing pity. He wishes he could make his body act with his mind. He wants to sit up properly and engage in a normal conversation with her. He wants to tell her that he’s not a broken down, pathetic baby, but he can’t.

The doctor comes in and clears his throat. “We’re going to have to ask you to excuse us. His surgery is schedules for an hour from now and we’ll have to prep. Can he understand us?” JJ and Hotch stand. “He can understand everything you say to him. He’s awake, he just can’t speak.” Hotch says and it sounds like a warning.

“We’ll come back soon Spencer. You’ll be alright,” Hotch says. Spencer watches them to and looks up at the doctor coming toward him. He’s a large man and the scowl on his face makes Spencer tremble. “Spencer, I am Doctor Yanez. I’m going to be performing surgery on you today. It’s a minor uninvasive surgery. We’re going to have a camera,” he says while lifting Spencer’s hospital gown. “Right here,” he says gently pressing on Spencer’s belly. “We’re going to figure out soon if you can eat solid foods. The incision will be right here,” he says tracing a small line in the side of his belly.

Spencer feels more confident now. He’d thought this man would treat him like he wasn’t really there. “He looks up into his eyes and tries to ask without making words. The doctor stares back and raises an eyebrow. “Are you worried it will hurt?” He asks. Spencer nods. The doctor smiles a small bit.

“It will hurt, but not bad. Nothing like you’re probably thinking it is. It’s a small cut and it will be uncomfortable but it will heal within the month. You’re going to be washed now because we need a sterile environment when we perform the surgery. Do you want a male nurse or a female nurse?”

Spencer blinks at him. The doctor puts both hands out. He lifts the right hand and says “female,” and then the left hand “male.” He looks at the doctor’s right hand. “Female?” He says. Spencer nods. “Alright. When they’re over we’ll set you up in the OR and get everything ready. You’ll be alright Spencer. I’ll see you in a few.”

Spencer waits with jittery nerves until a man and a woman enter the room. “Hello Spencer. I’m Katlyin and this is Toby. We’re nurses,” she smiles. Spencer looks at Toby with frightened eyes. “He’s only here to help me get you to the showering room and back. I’ll be the one bathing you, no worries.”

Toby steps up and smiles like he’s talking to a child. Maybe that’s how they saw him. “I’m Toby. Is it alright if I help you up and get you into the wheelchair sweetheart?” Spencer nods. Toby puts an arm around him back and gently helps him stand. “That’s it Spencer. You’re doing great,” Toby says.

Spencer wants to cry. The most embarrassing part of this entire ordeal is how proud people are of the littlest things he does. He stood. He’s never had a debilitating injury that would prevent that. He’s just so pathetic that any little thing is a big deal.

“It’s alright sugar. It’ll all be over soon.”


	7. Chapter 7

Spencer wakes up slowly. He’s not in pain but his body feels dull and tingly. He’s pretty used to it. He’s not in his room at Master’s house and that causes him to panic. He goes rigid and tries to regulate his breathing. Had he done something wrong?  “Spencer, it’s alright. Remember me? I’m Aaron Hotchner. You’re in Quantico.”

Spencer blinks rapidly and Hotch takes his hand. “Spencer, it’s alright. I’m right here and you’re safe.” Spencer relaxes a bit into the bed. His head is swimmy. “They’ve determined that if we move slowly, we can wean you from the feeding tube to solid foods. That’s really good news,” Hotch says to him. He’s petting his fingers through Spencer’s hair.

“The doctor is working with a nutritionist right now to make a schedule for you. They want to keep you here for another day to keep you fed and then you’re being sent home with me. Is that still alright?” Spencer nods. “My team needs to meet you. We’re a team of six and you’ve already met Morgan and JJ. Rossi and Prentiss are away on a case and Penelope is waiting to get permission. She can be a lot to get used to,” he says. Spencer frowns at him but Hotch smiles back.

“She’s a rainbow. Sometimes it seems like the world is grey and then she walks in the room and all the color comes back. It can take getting used to.” Spencer smiles a little. That’s what Hotch was for him. The color coming back.

“Would you be alright with her coming by? We can wait until tomorrow when you come home,” he says. Spencer nods. “Today?” He asks. Spencer nods again. Hotch pulls his phone out and types a slow message. “She’s been waiting. The other two are jealous that they’re not here. They’re like a second family to me and Jack. We’re all a family.”

There’s a knock on the door and a smiling woman comes in. Her hair is blonde and has bows in it. Her dress is pink and pretty and her smile is large. “Hey boss-man and hello Spencer. I’m Penelope Garcia, the tech.”

Spencer smiles back. He can’t help his self. She sits next to Hotch and the contrast tickles Spencer. She digs in her purse and pulls out some candy. “Would you like one?” She asks Spencer. Spencer nods and she holds out a sucker that still has a wrapper.

He lifts his hand to take it and she loses a bit of her smile. “Do you want me to unwrap it dear?” Spencer shakes his head. He wants to do it. He puts the stick in his broken armed hand and uses the other to delicately remove the wrapper.

The wrapper falls to the bed and he grins at them. He’d done it his self! They’re both smiling at him and he puts the sucker in his mouth. Hotch stands and insists on helping him to sit up further. “They said he can slowly start eating solid foods again.” Garcia smiles.

“That’s great! I’m a great chef. So is Rossi. Have you met Rossi yet?” She asks Spencer. He shakes his head. “Well, he makes killer pasta. It’s so delicious. You’ll love it.” Spencer smiles. Penelope digs in her bag again and sets some more candy on the bed. Then she grabs two books out of her bag and hands them to Spencer.

“This one is an old history book. The other one is a sci-fi book. I didn’t know what you’d be into. If you can write out a list I can get you the books,” she tells him. He can feel pressure building behind his eyes and a few tears fall out. Penelope gets up and kisses him on the forehead.

Penelope wipes her eyes. “You stop it now. You’re going to make me cry,” she says. Spencer uses his hand to wipe his eyes and continues to smile at her. “I’ve gotta go meet my chocolate stud. We’ll come visit you soon, Spencer,” she says before walking out.

Hotch smiles. “If you want anything you can let us know. We’re all going to be your family now.” Spencer grabs Hotch’s hand before he can turn around. Spencer swallows a couple of times. Hotch waits patiently.

“Th… Thank you,” Spencer says. Hotch’s mouth opens and he stares. “Oh Spencer,” he says. Spencer looks away. Hotch’s grin making his stomach feel funny. Hotch runs a hand through Spencer’s hair and walks out of the room.

* * *

 

Spencer is asleep the next time he comes over. They’re feeding him again and he’s wrapped up in white sheets. Hotch and Morgan sit down at his bedside and wait.

When Spencer opens his eyes again they’re talking with one another silently. “Hey pretty boy, they’re letting you out today,” Morgan says. Spencer smiles at them and turns more toward them. “You’ll still have to check in and see the doctor once a week and you’ll need to attend therapy, but you’ll be at my house now.”

Spencer nods happily. Happy. That’s something he hadn’t felt in a long time. “We’re going to have a barbeque at the house to get all of the BAU together to meet you. Prentiss and Rossi should be back in a few days. Is that alright?” Hotch asks. Spencer nods again. “Is there anything you can eat that we should bring?” Morgan asks.

Spencer shrugs and looks at Hotch for answers. “They said to start him on applesauce. I’ll pick some up after he’s settled in at home. There should still be some of Jack’s in the fridge.” He turns to Spencer. “When this feeding is over we can get your dressed and leave.”

Spencer glares at the feeding bag as if that could finish it faster. Morgan is smiling and Hotch is too. Hotch reaches out and rubs circles on Spencer’s belly. Spencer looks at Hotch with surprise but relaxes onto the bed and closes his eyes.

* * *

 

Morgan steps out to finish the paperwork for Spencer while Hotch gets him dressed. He’s sat in a wheelchair and taken down to Hotch’s car. “You’re making excellent progress already,” Hotch mentions. Spencer smiles brightly back at him.

“When we get home you’ll get to meet my son Jack. And I’ll show you my personal library. Have you started any of the books Penelope dropped off yesterday?” Spencer nods. “Well, whenever you finish those you can move on to anything in the library.”

Spencer swallows hard and Hotch focuses all of his attention on not missing whatever Spencer’s about to say. “I’ve finished them,” he says softly. Hotch raises an eyebrow. “You must read expediently,” he says. His voice is full of disbelief. Spencer nods.

“Ei… Eidetic memory,” Spencer tells him. His eyes widen. How smart was this young man that the doctors had been so quick to write off? Spencer ducks his head. Of course Hotch doesn’t believe him. All he’s known of Spencer is the pathetic Baby Doll version. He’d never met Spencer the Scholar or Spencer the resident genius. Now he’s just Spencer the victim; Spencer the nonspeaking ragdoll.

“You get more interesting by the moment Spencer,” Hotch says. “Have you always been so quiet?” He asks kindly. Spencer shakes his head. He had used to speak endlessly. He’d been told he had been a chatterbox since he’d first learned to speak. This is just another giant chunk of Spencer’s life master had taken away and ruined.

“You know you can speak whenever you’d like, right? About anything.” Spencer pauses and nods slowly, even though he’s still not sure if that’s a good idea.

“Jack is a chatterbox. Only knows a handful of words, but he works with them,” Hotch says fondly. Spencer smiles. “His mom?” He asks softly. His throat burns with every sound he makes.

Hotch frowns. “My ex-wife. We divorced when he was one. She’d been seeing another man. We remained amicable after. A couple of months later I was trailing a serial killer known as The Reaper. He was trailing me in return. He killed her and almost got to Jack. I found him in time, but I was stabbed nine times. I shot him In the head.”

Spencer frowns. “Sorry,” he says quickly, whispering. He regrets his decision to speak now. “It’s not your fault so don’t worry. I told you that you could say anything. I don’t mind answering your questions.” Spencer swallows. This is a very important question.

“What was my master wanted for?” Hotch looks at him for a moment before looking back at the road. “Marksmith. He was wanted for human trafficking, abduction, prostitution, rape and smuggling. I can let you read the specifics of his file if you want. Secretly once we’re settled at home.”

Spencer nods slowly but resolutely. He needs to now this. Hotch pulls into the driveway of a nice, modern two-story house. He gets out and helps Spencer out. “My sister-in-law Jessica is in there with my son. Are you ready to go in?” Spencer takes a few deep breaths and nods. His body is trembling slightly and Hotch tries to hold back the concern he feels. 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Hotch helps Spencer walk into the house. “Jack! Daddy is home!” Spencer hears a young woman say animatedly. She appears holding the child. “Hey Jess. How was he?” Hotch asks while reaching for his excited, squirming child.

She turns her attention to Spencer. “Who might you be?” She asks pointedly. He freezes. “This is my friend Spencer Reid. He’s moving in with us.” Jess raises an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of a friend named Spencer.”

Through the course of the conversation Spencer had been slowly moving back and behind Hotch. “He’s a new friend,” Hotch says. “So that’s how it is?” She questions. “My sister is gone and now you’re a faggot?”

Aaron is surprised by her outburst. “Haley had always known that I’m bisexual. She divorced me, Jessica. She is the one that left me.”

Jess laughs bitterly. “Have fun Aaron. At least this way you won’t make any more babies to abandon.” She stomps out the front door. Spencer wraps his arms around himself. “Spencer, it’s alright.” Spencer nods. “Hey Jackster,” Hotch says to the babbling child. Spencer looks at the cooing child in Hotch’s arms. “Jack, this is a friend. His name is Spencer. He’s going to live with us. Can you tell Spencer hello?”

The boy reaches for him. “Hi! Pencer. Pencer!” He grabs for him. Spencer steps forward and allows the child to hold his hand. “Let me show you your room. Are you ready to eat or do you want to sleep?”

Spencer looks overwhelmed. Hotch puts his son down. “Let’s feed you first. Then we’ll watch a movie. Maybe a nap after. Come on,” he says gently.

He sets Spencer on the couch comfortably. He’s wrapped snug in a blanket and propped up. Hotch has his bag set up and they’re watching a cartoon movie. Jack is sitting on the love seat with Hotch while Spencer is sprawled alone on the couch.

“Do you want to have some applesauce?” Hotch asks. Spencer bites his lip and nods. Would he still be able to do this? Hotch gets up and comes back with two little packs of applesauce. “Daddy,” Jack whines. Hotch opens one and sets it down with a spoon on the coffee table.

He sits on the floor next to Spencer and opens the second one. “Do you want to do it or would you prefer me to feed you?’ Hotch asks without even the slightest hint of disdain. “You,” Spencer says. Hotch seems pleased and takes a small bit on the spoon. He feeds it to Spencer and watches as Spencer swallows.

“How does it taste? I can add more sugar if you’d prefer.” Spencer smiles and opens his mouth slightly. Hotch feeds him another small spoonful until the small pack is empty. “If your stomach hurts you need to let me know. The doctor recommends one today and tomorrow and at least two a day for the next two weeks. Slowly we’ll move to mashed potatoes and soup.”

Spencer reaches out and runs a hand down Hotch’s face. Hotch is tempted to lean in and kiss the younger man and is suddenly pulled from his thoughts. That was absolutely inappropriate. Not by regulated standards. It’s just wrong because the young man is so messed up.

Spencer seems to notice the conflict and pulls his hand away. His face shows a mix of hurt and confusion. Hotch smiles again. “Rest now. If you feel like sleeping, go ahead. I’ll keep Jack out of here.” Spencer shakes his head.

“What’s wrong?” Hotch asks. “His house,” Spencer says. Hotch pets his hair. “Your house too, now.” He scoops the child up and drops the remote with Spencer. He leaves the room and Spencer burrows under the covers to nap.

* * *

 

Spencer wakes to Hotch cursing and fumbling with his stomach. “Sorry Spencer. I didn’t want to wake you but I’m having trouble connecting your port.” Spencer uses his one good hand to help Hotch connect the bag.

“I’m sorry Spencer,” Hotch says. He sits on the ground against the couch and leans his head back with his eyes closed. Spencer puts his hand on Hotch’s shoulder. “I’ve been given the week off to stay here with you,” he tells him. “But I have to go in on Wednesday to process my team’s paperwork. Morgan has offered to come over. Is that alright?”

Spencer nods but Hotch still has his eyes closed. “Yes,” he answers softly. Hotch smiles for a moment. “How does your stomach feel?” He asks. Spencer grimaces. “Okay,” he answers. Hotch stays seated next to the couch with Spencer. His breath evens out and Spencer falls back to sleep next to him.

Spencer dreams that he’s back in the house with master. He’s not scared; just disappointed. “Baby doll, you’ve gained weight,” he says. Spencer just blinks. “You know how much I hate that. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Spencer opens his mouth to respond but master grabs his chin. “What happened to your mouth? I’ll have to fix that,” he says. Spencer’s eyes widen and he tries to get away but he can’t move at all. Master pulls the needle out and holds Spencer’s face again. The needle pierces through him and he screams.

“I tried to tell you,” master says. “I treated you so well, and you got me shot. They killed me because of you.” Spencer tries to get away but he can’t. He cries out more until master is shaking him. “Spencer!” He yells. Master had never said his name before.

Spencer opens his eyes and sees Hotch above him. He’s panting and sweating. It’s dark in the house. He’s wet his pants. His cheeks burn with embarrassment. “Hey, it’s alright. Are you alright?” Hotch asks. Spencer finds himself sobbing. Hotch helps him up and holds him.

“Come on. I’ll give you a bath and then you can go to bed in your room. It’s alright.” He carries Spencer to the bathroom and sets him on the closed toilet. He starts the bath and then undresses Spencer. “Are you alright with this?” He asks before removing the boy’s boxers.

Spencer nods and wipes his face with his good hand. Hotch lifts the boy into the bath and sets him down carefully. He scrubs his skin gently and mumbles sweet words to Spencer. “Was it a dream about him?” Spencer nods.

“Do you want to talk about it? Or write about it? I can get you some paper.” Spencer shakes his head. Hotch gently takes his chin and turns so that they’re looking into one another’s eyes. “He can’t hurt you any more Spencer. You’re here now and none of us are going to hurt you.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

Spencer wakes up early with Hotch the next morning. “Today we’re doing speech therapy. Is that alright?” he asks. Spencer nods at him but bites his lip. “You’re never going to be in trouble for speaking to us. I’ll stay in there with you if you’d like. Otherwise I will wait in the waiting room until you’re done.”

Spencer smiles a little but doesn't speak during the ride. When they enter the office Spencer looks around in awe. It’s a fancy clinic. How was Hotch going to pay for this. He turns to the man and looks him in the eyes questioningly.

“Spencer?” He asks. Spencer bites his lip again. “Why?” He asks softly. Hotch doesn't know how to answer that. “Because I can and I want to. You deserve it,” he says. Spencer looks down and nods. He follows Hotch to the front desk and doesn't look up until after they’re sitting and waiting.

“Are you up to having a barbecue today?” Hotch asks. Spencer shakes his head softly. “That’s alright. We’ll see how tomorrow is,” Hotch says patiently. Spencer settles his hand on top of Hotch’s and looks into his eyes for a moment. Hotch slips their hands together and squeezes reassuringly.

* * *

 

Spencer and Aaron sit in the car outside of the therapy clinic. Spencer’s jaw is clenched and he’s staring down at his lap. “Spencer, it’s alright if you’re not ready to talk yet. It would be helpful if you’d try but I’m not going to force you.” Spencer blinks and tears fall his face.

Aaron starts the car and then reaches over to take Spencer’s hand again. “Do you like coffee? I’d like a coffee.” Spencer looks up at that and nods. He’d loved coffee. He used to drink multiple cups a day. Master had broken him of that addiction.

“Sweet?” Hotch asks. Spencer nods and sits up straighter. Hotch smiles and goes through a drive through. “You've spoken to me. They said you refused to speak to them. They didn't think you’d spoken at all,” Hotch says while they’re waiting. Spencer looks over at Hotch and then back away.

“It’s different,” Spencer says. Hotch passes him his coffee and pulls away. “They won’t hurt you. They’re only there to help you.” Spencer nods. He knows that, but he doesn't know them. He doesn't trust them. “I’ll be right there with you. Pretend you’re talking to me,” Hotch says with a smile. Spencer smiles back. “I’ll try,” he answers. “I think… I’d like to have that barbecue today,” Spencer says.

* * *

 

Spencer is sat next to Hotch with a smile on his face. Derek Morgan is the first of the team to arrive at the barbecue. “Hey pretty boy,” he greets as usual as he puts a heavy, warm hand on Spencer’s shoulder. Spencer smiles. “Hi Morgan,” he says softly. It brings a bright smile to the agent’s face.

Derek sits down with him while Hotch gets back up to cook. JJ and her husband are the next to arrive. They both greet Spencer warmly and leave him feeling a little dazed. Morgan kisses her on the cheek and wraps Will in a half hug. JJ sits down with them and Will goes to speak with Hotch.

Prentiss is the next to arrive. She comes in alone but with a genuine smile. Spencer watches her greet Hotch with the strongest air of confidence he’d ever seen. He can tell that she’s trying to make up for her gender difference by being tough.

She sits with them and smiles at Spencer. She intimidates him a bit. She says hello and he offers her a quick wave of his hand and a smile.

Garcia bounces in next and kisses everyone on the cheek. When she makes it to Spencer she tousles his hair first. “Hello again gorgeous,” she says. “Watch out Pen, or Morgan might get jealous,” Prentiss says. Morgan sticks his tongue out at her. “I can’t argue her point,” he says.

Spencer blushes and whispers hello to Garcia. She sits down on the other side of Derek and begins showing him something on his phone. Hotch comes back, leaving Will at the grill and sits down next to Spencer.

“Are you still alright? Still comfortable?” He asks quietly. Spencer nods and smiles. “Thank you,” he says back. Hotch brings Spencer a soda and is about to ask what he’d like to eat when Rossi greets them all.

“My lovely amigos. Such a nice day to be out,” he says before coming over beside them. He puts a hand on Aaron’s shoulder and meets eyes with Spencer for the first time. Hotch is the first besides Rossi to notice the color completely leave the younger man’s face. His eyes widen and his body begins trembling and Hotch curses under his breath.

Spencer flies from the chair and back away from Rossi. “Please, Hotch please. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I did but I’m sorry,” he whimpers. Rossi’s face falls and Hotch gets up to retrieve him. Hotch wraps his arms around the boy whose eyes have not left Rossi.

“I knew it. He’s back, he’s back and he’s going to sew my mouth back shut,” Spencer says. Hotch shushes him. “That’s Rossi. That isn't him.” Spencer shakes his head. “It’s HIM! It’s him and, whatever I did, I’m sorry. I’ll be good for you. I’ll be better and,” Spencer stops his promises to press his lips shut, as though that’s what it was about.

He gazes up at Hotch with tea-filled eyes and his sweet lips, finally not chapped, being pressed together to appease him so that he won’t send him back to torture. Rossi turns and walks out of the yard. Hotch squeezes Spencer against his chest while he sobs.

He runs his fingers through the younger man’s hair. “Come on. Let’s go in the house,” Hotch says. He gives everyone outside a warning glance before helping the boy into the house. Spencer doesn't say anything else.

Hotch wraps him in a blanket and curls him into his lap. The team files in slowly but as a group. “What happened?” They ask. Hotch looks at Derek. “Did you see the resemblance?” He asks. Derek’s eyes widen when it clicks. “Rossi looks just like Marksmith,” Morgan explains.

Spencer’s breath is warm on Hotch’s neck. “It’s alright Spencer. That was my friend David Rossi,” Hotch says softly. Derek sits down beside him. “He wrote a book. A couple, actually. They’re about behavioral patterns in criminals. He’s a leader in his field,” Derek says. Spencer looks at him. “I have his books if you want to read them. Maybe you’ll feel more comfortable being around him.”

Spencer blinks and more tears fall out of his eyes. Hotch wipes them and then smiles at Derek. “That would be nice. Thank you,” he says. Spencer stares into Morgan’s eyes but doesn't say anything.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Spencer sits on the couch silently and without moving. He allows Hotch to spread him out on the couch to clean his feeding port and hook it up to food. Even when the port sends shock waves of pain through Spencer’s belly he doesn’t speak.

Aaron covers him up while the sustenance is being filtered into his body and sits down with a sigh. He grabs Spencer’s feet and rubs them idly while Spencer cat naps. “Jack is coming home soon. He’s been telling his grandparents all about you,” Hotch mentions.

Spencer looks up at him. “He really likes you. I’m almost a little jealous.” Spencer blushes a little. “The team was happy to see you. Morgan seems to be especially fond of you. And Rossi… He said he’d like to apologize for ruining your fun.”

Spencer frowns. “I didn’t see the resemblance before. If I had, I would have warned you. I’m sorry. Derek feels guilty too.” Spencer sits up and winces. “Not your fault,” he insists. Hotch pats his feet. They sit quietly until Jack comes home. He runs from Hotch to Spencer.

“Pence!” He says loudly with excitement. Spencer smiles at him and wraps his thin arms around the boy briefly. He allows Jack to tell him about his stay and babble nonsense at him until Hotch takes him for a nap. He returns without the child only a few minutes later and sits beside Spencer.

“My father hated me,” Spencer tells him. Hotch looks over at him for a second and then back away. “Why?” He asks. Spencer shrugs. “I wasn’t good enough,” he answers. Hotch takes his hand again and tries not to look too much into it.

Spencer squeezes it but doesn’t say anything else. Hotch gets up and begins to cook. Jack wakes up not too long after and sits with Spencer on the couch for cartoons. Aaron comes into the living room with two bowls of streaming food. It is soup.

Jack is put in a high chair and his bowl is set down to cool off. Spencer looks the soup over and almost cries in happiness that he will be able to eat it. Hotch leans over and lifts a spoonful of soup to his own lips to test how warm it is. He next holds it to Spencer’s mouth with a smile and Spencer eats.

Hotch alternates feeding Jack and Spencer without complaint until they’re finished with their lunch. “Thank you,” Spencer says to him. Hotch runs a hand through his long hair and takes the dishes into the sink.

Spencer sits up and winces a little. It feels like his feeding port is pinching his skin. “Derek is going to be by in a few hours. Let’s get you bathed and dressed.” Spencer nods and accepts help up. He walks slowly beside Hotch to the bathroom and strips out of his clothes.

Hotch helps to lower him into the bath and scrub his skin clean. “I wasn’t always pathetic,” Spencer tells Hotch. Hotch stops cleaning his hair. “You’re not pathetic now,” he tells him. “I already have my degrees,” Spencer says. Hoch rinses his hair. “Another tally to my point, I’d say,” Hotch responds. “I can even wash myself alone,” Spencer says with the smallest hint of anger.

Hotch sighs and sits back. “It isn’t your fault. You didn’t ask for any of this. You’ve made a lot more progress than you’re giving yourself credit for. They didn’t think you’d ever speak again. They didn’t think you’d ever be able to function again and looks at you. You’re eating, you’re speaking, and you’re walking! You’re doing everything they wrote you off of and it’s only been a week.”

Spencer looks down. Tears are rimming his eyes. “I just feel weak and insignificant because I want to be myself again,” he says. Hotch pulls him into a hug. “I know. It takes time but it will happen again.”

When he cleans Spencer’s tummy around the port Spencer hisses and jerks away from him. “Spence, does your port hurt?” Spencer nods. “I’ll need to look that over when we’re done,” he says. He finishes washing Spencer quickly and helps him from the bath. He wraps a towel and a robe around him and brings him into his own room.

He has Spencer lie flat on the bed and he inspects the port. The skin around it is red and warm. He curses his self. Spencer’s rapist and abductor had made this port and maintained it without ever letting it infect and he’d been in charge of it for a few days and already he’d messed up.

“Spencer, I need to take you to the hospital,” Hotch says. “I think your port is infected.” Spencer frowns. His body is already weak. An infection like this could easily kill him. He allows Hotch to dress him and take him to the car. Hotch grabs Jack and puts him in the back seat.

They drive and stop outside of a house. “I’ll be right back,” Hotch says. He grabs his son and a bag and runs the child up the steps. He’s only gone for a few minutes before he rushes back down and speeds his way to the hospital.

He signs Spencer in and they make him wait in the waiting room before being called. They’re taken to a room in the hospital and Hotch is told to wait in the waiting room but refuses. “I’m his medical proxy. I’m his next of kin,” he says without budging. Spencer grabs his hand and pulls him close.

The doctors work around Hotch and are in and out. Spencer’s fever is 101.3 F and the redness is spreading a little further. They start him on antibiotics and saline. “It’s sepsis,” a doctor tells them. He looks grim. “It’s early stage and most people survive this, but he was already in bad shape. We’re not sure yet how well this treatment is going to do.”

Hotch squeezes the boy’s hand. “He will of course stay overnight. He probably won’t be allowed to leave for some time. We need to monitor his fever and his hydration,” the doctor says. Hotch nods and turns to Spencer.

Spencer had taken the news calmly. “You already knew?” Hotch asks. Spencer nods. “I knew when I felt it that something was wrong. When you checked me over I knew it was an infection. Given my health, sepsis seemed almost imminent.”

Hotch sits down and runs a hand through his hair. Spencer closes his eyes and smiles softly. “I might not survive,” Spencer says. Hotch sighs. “You’ve survived worse,” Hotch reminds him. Spencer leans over and looks Hotch in the eyes for a moment and, seeing no hesitation, presses his lips to Hotch’s chastely.

“Thank you for everything,” Spencer says. Hotch presses his lips together and pulls the young man closer to the edge of the bed so that he can hold him. 


	11. Chapter 11

“We need to remove the port first and foremost. We’ll keep the wound open and clean until the infection is cleared. We’ll give him an IV to help with nourishment and hydration. He will need to continue to eat by mouth as well or we’ll be forced to use a nasal feeding tube.”

Spencer is on the bed shivering through his fever. Hotch nods at the doctor. “Are the antibiotics working?” He asks. “Yes. He’s responding well enough. The biggest concern is if it will be enough. His body was in such disarray that his immune system is weaker than is safe.”

He runs a hand through Spencer’s damp hair. Hotch looks at his young ward’s face. He’s pale and thin. What would he look like healthy? “He’ll make it through,” Hotch says. The doctor leaves the clipboard on the bedside and nods before leaving.

Spencer twists a little toward Hotch. “Thank you for rescuing me,” he says. It sounds too much like a goodbye. “Spencer, you’re going to be alright.” Spencer eyes close and he smiles softly. “Get some more rest. You’re going into surgery soon,” Hotch says.

* * *

 

The surgery should take half an hour. It’s been an hour over that and no word. Hotch paces. Morgan is sitting next to Hotch’s seat and staring at his hands. “He’s alright Hotch or they’d have said something,” Morgan says to reassure his boss.

Another ten minutes go by before a doctor comes to them. “He crashed twice. He started bleeding out as soon as it was removed. A piece of the insert had clamped his skin. It looks like the port was a home job. We were able to bring him back both times. We’re transfusing blood to him right now. He’s being moved to recovery. In about another half an hour you’ll be able to see him, I you wish.”

Morgan and Hotch thank the doctor and sink back into their seats. Twenty minutes later they’re following an orderly to Spencer’s room. He’s still asleep on the white sheeted bed. “He’s so small,” Morgan comments. Hotch agrees with a hum.

Spencer wakes an hour alter. Morgan had been called away almost ten minutes previously. Hotch holds the young man’s hand as he blinks awake. “Morning,” Hotch says with a small smile. Spencer looks at him and whines.

“Are you in pain?” He asks. Spencer nods and Hotch hits the nurse button. “Where?” He asks. “Head,” Spencer says through gritting teeth. The nurse bustles in and speaks to Spencer for a few minutes before injecting his IV and telling Hotch the visiting hours are ten minutes from over.

* * *

 

Spencer is reading when Hotch returns. “Morgan brought you those,” he mentions of the books. Spencer smiles. “I love reading,” he tells Hotch. Hotch stings with jealousy. He wishes it had been him to remember and bring books for Spencer.

“He’ll be visiting later today,” he tells him and sits beside the bed. Spencer puts the book down and sits close to Hotch. “Are you okay?” Spencer asks. It sounds weird to have Spencer concerned about him.

“Of course. Are you?” Spencer nods. His eyes are on Hotch’s hands.

Hotch reaches up and pets Spencer’s hair. He melts into the pillows and they sit together quietly until lunch time.

They bring soup and Pediasure. “Would… Uhm...  would you…?” Spencer asks with a blush while motioning at the food. Hotch nods with a small smile.

He feeds Spencer bites of soup and laughs at his grimace at the taste. When the bowl is nearly gone and Spencer’s stomach is full he puts the dishes aside and helps Spencer drink some water.

Spencer begins to wipe his face but Hotch takes the dry rag and dabs around his lips before covering them with his own.

They hold the kiss for a moment and Spencer cups Hotch’s cheek with a small, cold hand. Hotch pulls away and smiles at the peaceful look on Spencer’s face.

* * *

 

Hotch wakes Spencer accidently while cleaning his port site with gloves hands. “Sorry Spencer. I told the nurse I would prefer to be the one to clean it in case you didn’t want anyone touching you,” Hotch explains. Spencer pets through his hair before relaxing his body again. This infection had left him feeling very weak.

“Today is Tuesday. It is August twenty-sixth of 2014. It is exactly nine thirty-two and fourteen seconds.” Spencer blinks. “I looked up your eidetic memory... Dates and times- those are important to you, right? I bet you can tell me to the minute how long you’ve been here,” Hotch says feeling unsure.

Spencer smiles. “To the second.” Hotch shakes his head. “Amazing,” he comments. Spencer blushes and looks away. “Dadadada,” they both hear from the door. An older woman is standing at the door holding Jack in her arms.

“I knocked but no one answered,” she says. Hotch covers Spencer’s wound and removes his gloves to he can wash his hands. Spencer doesn’t meet the woman’s eyes. He looks down at the blanket and feels guilty. Her eyes ooze pity and revulsion.

Hotch takes Jack from her arms and brings him over to Spencer. “Pencer!” He yells excitedly. He wiggles to get down and runs to Spencer’s bed and begins to climb up. Hotch intercepts and snatches him back up.

“Jack, he’s hurt. He has an owwie. You need to be very careful with him right now,” he explains. The boy is allowed back down. He crawls on the bed to sit next to Spencer slowly. “Hi Pencer,” he whispers. Spencer smiles. Jack touches Spencer’s face with a smile. “You’re pretty,” he says. Spencer blinks and Hotch chuckles.

“Buddy, do you want me to read to you?” Hotch asks. “An’ Pencer?” He asks. “And Spencer. Stay here. I’m going to talk to gramma and grab a book. Remember to be gentle.”

He leaves and follows his mother’s disapproving aura. This wasn’t going to be a pleasant talk.

* * *

 

“Pence,” the child says with a smile. The next sentence isn’t in any language that Spencer’s ever heard. “Yes?” He answers hesitantly. Jack laughs and lets loose another very fast line of gibberish.

He responds to the infant’s words easily with words like ‘quite’ and ‘indeed’. When Aaron returns he watches his son babble to Spencer and Spencer respond “Oh, of course.”

He clears his throat. Spencer looks up at him and smiles brilliantly. “Oh God,” Aaron panics internally. Is he in love with Spencer?

* * *

 

He’s feeding Spencer apple sauce while Jack naps beside him in bed when there’s a knock on the door. Hotch puts the food down and answers it silently. He steps out for a few moments and returns with his sister-in-law.

“Hello Spencer,” she says softly. Spencer looks at Hotch but his face is like stone.

“I overreacted the other day and I’m sorry. Tomorrow is my sister’s birthday and I was already on edge. You and Aaron didn’t deserve that,” she says. Spencer doesn’t feel comfortable enough around her to actually say anything but he holds her hand with his one good one and smiles.

She leaves the room and Aaron follows her out again. Spencer watches Jack begin to stir. “Spencer, are you alright?” Hotch asks. He looks up and sees that Jack is now in Hotch’s arms and Hotch is looking at him with a face obviously full of concern.

“Are you back?” He asks. Spencer looks at him curiously. “You’ve been spacing out for the last few minutes. I was going to call a nurse. Are you alright?” Spencer nods. “Ready for applesauce?” Spencer nods again.

Hotch sets Jack in the floor on a blanket with some toys and grabs the food again.

“You’re going to be required to undergo therapy while you’re recovering here. Speech and physical… as well as mental. The speech therapist would like to see you again tomorrow morning if you’re okay with that.”

Spencer accepts a bite of applesauce and swishes it around in his mouth before swallowing. “Okay,” he finally agrees.

Hotch gets up and Spencer grabs his sleeve. “Balm?” He asks softly. Hotch smiles warmly and digs in his pocket to hand Spencer his lip balm. Spencer smiles back and applies it slowly. Jack tugs at his sleeve and asks to sit with Spencer again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually add notes but I'd like to thank AZcatmom for helping me with the medical information.


	12. Chapter 12

Spencer watches Hotch leave for the night and summons a nurse. He takes a piece of paper and writes out 'I'd like to sign a DNR, please' for her. She nods and makes her way out of the room. A doctor comes in with her after half an hour has passed. She's holding papers.

"You want to sign a DNR?" The doctor asks. Spencer nods. "We need to talk about it. I can't just let you sign it and be done. I have to know your mental state and discuss the consequences with you." Spencer frowns. "You're scheduled to speak with a therapist tomorrow evening. I'll mention your wishes to him and he will make the final decision on that. Are you wanting to die or just not wanting to be brought back?"

Spencer looks down. The eye contact is too much. "If I pass, I want to be let go," he states. The doctor writes that down. "I'll speak with him and see what I can do. Until then, if you need anything else I'll be here through the night."

Spencer sighs when he's left alone and curls up as well as he can in the bed. How is Aaron going to react if he finds out? If he asks the doctor to keep it hidden they'll never agree to it. It will look too much like hiding.

He closes his eyes and tries to hum louder than he's thinking. "Can't sleep?" A nurse asks suddenly. Spencer startles and looks her over. He shakes his head. "It's nearly three in the morning Mr. Reid. You should be sleeping. Do you want a sedative?"

Spencer looks down at the bed and nods. She comes next to him and fumbles around with the table beside him. She injects it into his IV and helps him lie down. "Get some rest now. I'm sure your friend will be here bright and early."

* * *

 

Hotch does indeed come back early in the morning. Spencer's fever is back and he's shivering. Hotch sits down to wipe his skin down and clean his port site wound when he notices it. "I think you're breaking out," he says. It isn't the port site but rather the IV site. Spencer looks at the red dots and almost laughs. "Get a doctor," he says.

His eyes are closed and his voice is unnervingly calm. "What are they?" Hotch asks while pressing the nurse signal button. "It looks like MRSA," Spencer says. Hotch frowns and looks the rash over again. MRSA is serious and deadly. Why can't Spencer catch a break?

"Do you believe in reincarnation?" Hotch asks. A nurse comes in. "I don't rely on it but I guess it's possible," he answers. He looks up at Hotch. "Why?" The nurses steps forward. "He has bumps on his arm. He's concerned that it may be MRSA," Hotch says bluntly. The nurse looks at his arm for a moment.

"I'll fetch the doctor," she says. Hotch's heart sinks. "Why?" Spencer asks Hotch again. "Do you think maybe you were Hitler, and that's why you have to go through this?" He jokes weakly. His face remains straight and Spencer laughs. He laughs hearty belly laughs until it turns to sobs. Hotch pulls him close and lets him cry.

The doctor comes in and puts gloves on. "May I look, Spencer?" He asks. Spencer pulls away from Hotch and shows the doctor his arm. "Do you have any allergies?" The doctor asks politely. "Milk, lemons and rabbits," Spencer whispers. The doctor takes a small biopsy and quarantines Spencer just in case. Hotch is made to shower and put on scrubs before returning.

"I won't make it out of here alive if it's MRSA," he tells Hotch matter-of-factly. Hotch sits beside him. "You'll make it back no matter what it is," he says sternly. Spencer can't die. Not now. Spencer just smiles. He leans away when Hotch tries to kiss him. "MRSA is contagious," he admonishes.

Hotch presses their lips together anyways. "You don't deserve this," Hotch says. It's not fair.

* * *

 

The doctor returns grimly. Spencer grips Hotch's hand tight. "It's not MRSA. It's the sepsis spreading. It's not much better except that you're already on antibiotics. We'll keep watch on it. If it continues to spread we may need to reconsider our current dose."

Spencer swears that the doctor is wrong about his new rash. Hotch helps him document the progression throughout the day. "It's spreading rapidly," Hotch informed the doctor when he returns to check on Spencer.

The doctor looks the arm over. They've had to relocate the IV already. Spencer is shivering again and Aaron is losing hope. "His fever is back up," he informs the doctor.

The doctor has a frown on his face. "The antibiotics are working but his immune system isn't helping as much as it needs to be. We'll have to find something stronger to make up for what his immune system is lacking."

Spencer shows no reaction. He makes no response. "Is he…?" Hotch can't ask without choking up.

"We don't know. We can't know. It's touch and go now. He was reacting well at first." Hotch refuses to leave the entire night. Spencer is never responsive to him. He goes from fitful sleep to dazed awaked-ness.

Morgan comes back in the morning with food. "I brought apple sauce," he tells him. Hotch smiles sadly at his friend. "They think they'll have to use a nasal feeding line. He can hardly stay alert enough to speak, let alone eat."

Morgan sits with Hotch and they watch Spencer toss in his sleep. "They put him on stronger antibiotics. So far there's been no difference." Hotch runs a hand over Spencer's face. "Does he know what's going on around him?" Morgan asks.

"I don't know. I've been explaining everything in the case that he can," he admits. Morgan stays with Hotch and helps to care for him. Hotch cleans the wounds on his body and Morgan wipes his face with a cool cloth.

* * *

 

It's the next day when Spencer is awake again. He opens his eyes and sees Hotch wiping his face with a cool cloth. "Hotch, his eyes," he hears Morgan say softly.

He removes the cloth and smiles down at Spencer. "Are you here?" He asks. What kind of a question is that? He nods and stretches a little. "You've been in and out for the last two days," Hotch says. Spencer opens his eyes for a moment and closes them again. His body feels weak.

"They had to give you a nasal feeding line. You weren't aware enough to eat. Morgan is here with us," he says. Spencer flexes his fingers for a moment and Hotch slips their hands together.

"They switched you to a more powerful antibiotic. You're showing improvement. Your fever broke last night and hasn't come back yet. The rash is gone," he explains.

Morgan pats Hotch on the back. "I'll be back tonight with some food. See you soon Pretty boy."

Hotch sits down and runs the cloth across Spencer's forehead again. "Am I okay?" Spencer asks wearily. Lips press against his cheek and then higher against his temple. "You're alright. You're going to recover and come back home with me."

Spencer sighs and relaxes.


	13. Chapter 13

Spencer stays awake for the rest of the day. Around noon a man comes in with a doctor and Aaron is asked to leave. “I’m the therapist that has been appointed to your file. My name is Doctor Howard. You’re Dr. Spencer Reid, I see.” Spencer nods slightly. His heart rate has gone up since Aaron has left the room.

“Spencer, you’re under no timeline. If you want to get right to it we can. If you want to talk about your favorite color or what kind of flowers you remember as a kid, we can. If you want me to make some tea and sit with you in silence, we can. I’m not going to force anything because we have all the time in the world.”

He sits next to Spencer and offers him a small smile. “What would you like to do?” He asks. Spencer is fumbling with his hands and won’t make eye contact. “Can we talk about Aaron Hotchner?” He asks. Spencer looks up at him and then back down.

“I know a little bit about his work history. I know his boss. He’s been with the FBI for almost nine years. He’s one of the best agents in the history of his field,” the man says. Spencer looks up so Dr. Howard continues.

“He’s highly decorated. The few times I’ve had to work with him he’s been nothing but great. The last gentleman of the modern era,” the doctor jokes. Spencer smiles. “Now then. I’m not scary, see? I’m here to help you.” Spencer nods.

“I was kidnapped,” Spencer says softly. The doctor folds his hands to his lap to look unimposing. “I was walking home from teaching and then I was in master’s house.” The doctor nods. Spencer takes several deep breathes.

“I kept asking him… I… I used to talk a lot; too much. I kept asking him why. I was trying to get under his skin to manipulate him so he,” Spencer shudders. “We can talk about this another time and move on if you’d like. It need not be chronological.”

Spencer nods again and takes a few minutes. “I was with him for a long time. I was never allowed to speak to him. I never tried.” The doctor makes quick notes and looks back at Spencer. “He dressed me like a doll. Referred to me as a lady,” Spencer says quietly with embarrassment. “I wasn’t allowed to do anything but brush my teeth and use the restroom. The rest of the time I was his rag doll.”

The man wipes the tears from Spencer’s face and hums. “I’m sorry Spencer,” he offers softly. “He had sex with me,” Spencer says. He knows everyone is aware of it. He’d had to undergo a rape kit when he’d first been found.

The doctor nods. “He did it every day. He wasn’t… He didn’t try to hurt me. Not like he could have, but it did. It hurt,” Spencer says. His voice is shaking. “I was so… He made me become so weak that he broke my bones just holding me. And I feel so ashamed and so dirty.”

The doctor holds one of Spencer’s hands. “Was he the first?” He asks. That breaks Spencer’s emotional blockade. He begins sobbing and the doctor allows Spencer to pull away and curl up. Spencer’s sobs turn into small hiccups after ten minutes go by.

Hotch is there running a hand through Spencer’s hair. He hadn’t even noticed the man come back in. “He was the first. He was the first person I had sex with,” Spencer says. The therapist sits straighter but Hotch beats him to the words he’s trying to form.

“You didn’t have sex with him. He raped you,” Hotch says softly. Spencer sniffles and holds Hotch’s hand tight. “Spencer, you did very well today. I’m very proud of you. If you’re up to it, tomorrow will be speech therapy. The next day will be physical therapy. You’ll have a day off and then I will be back to continue talking, or just for that cup of tea, alright? Thank you for sharing with me Spencer.”

Spencer nods at the man and watches him leave. Hotch sits in his newly freed chair and smiles at Spencer. I know that was hard. Do you feel any better now?”

Spencer nods. “My head hurts,” Spencer says. Hotch presses his lips to Spencer’s forehead. “I bet it does. I’ll let the nurse know,” he says. Spencer is alone for a moment before the door opens again.

He looks over to greet Aaron but it’s not his face that he’s greeted with. It’s Derek Morgan and a handful of books. “Hey pretty boy. I brought you some more books.”

Morgan sits in the chair next to the one that Hotch has been using and sets the books on the bed. “Did Hotch go home for the night?” He asks. Spencer shakes his head. “My head hurts. He went to find a nurse.”

Morgan frowns for a moment before turning the happy back on. “Did you finish Rossi’s book? I brought the other two he’s written. And some stuff that Garcia sent along.” Spencer smiles. “I did. I feel… He didn’t deserve that. He’s such a brilliant man,” Spencer says. His cheeks redden. “He understands. He’s brilliant because of all the experience he has in these situations. He knows enough to know he can’t blame you.”

Spencer looks at the titles of the books Morgan has brought to him. “Thank you for these. I really appreciate it,” Spencer tells him. Morgan’s smile then is real. Spencer can tell the difference.

Hotch comes in next with a small nurse at his side. “Hello Morgan,” Hotch greets kindly. Morgan turns to him. “Hey boss man. I brought some food and books,” he says. Spencer watches the young man inject his IV with medication.

“Sir,” he says softly. The nurse looks up at him and smiles softly. “Yes Dr. Reid?” He asks. “Can… I’d like the feeding line removed. Can it be removed soon?” He asks. The nurse looks him over. “Let me get the doctor and we’ll see what he thinks. Now that you’re awake and active I don’t think it will be a problem.”

Hotch and Morgan watch in awe while Spencer uses his voice to communicate with a stranger. The nurse leaves and Spencer looks up at his mates and their twin grins they’re wearing.

They settle back down by the time the doctor comes in. “We can remove the line now, if you feel comfortable eating,” he says. Spencer nods. They stand back and watch the doctor remove the very uncomfortable looking feeding line.

Spencer blows his nose and coughs when it’s out. “I’ve also been given permission to sign your DNR if you still wish,” the doctor says. “DNR?” Morgan asks. “It’s a do not resuscitate form. It means if he crashes they wouldn’t have the right to intervene and save his life,” Hotch says with a stern voice.

Spencer looks down and the doctor grimaces. “I’ll give you some time to think about it Dr. Reid. If you decide you can page me and we’ll sign the forms.” The doctor says before walking out of the room.

Hotch and Morgan take their seats again and neither says anything. “Do you want me to feed you?” Hotch asks with a flat voice. Spencer’s stomach flops. “Hotch, I…” He stutters. Hotch locks eyes with him. “I understand Spencer,” he says. But does he really?


	14. Chapter 14

Spencer glares at the occupants of his hospital room. He wants to leave. he wants to rest on Hotch's couch and play with Jack and read the books that Morgan has been leaving for him. He doesn't want to be here. In fact, more than anything he wants to be away from here. The nurse comes in and checks his IV line. "Excuse me," Hotch says to the nurse. "He's beginning to feel restless. Is there an approximate time that he will be allowed to leave?"

Spencer blinks in surprise. How did Hotch know? Hotch looks at Spencer and winks. "The doctor's notes say that after his saline bag is empty he will be allowed to go home with supervision." Spencer looks up at the bag and grimaces when he sees that it's still over half full.

"Thank you very much," Hotch says politely. Spencer sighs and curls up. "Why don't you get a quick nap in? I'll wake you up as soon as it's done." Spencer nods and closes his eyes.

* * *

Spencer wakes later alone in his hospital room. His IV is out and the saline bag is gone. He sits up uncertainly. The bathroom door is open and all of Hotch's stuff is gone. He curls up and watches the door.

Had something happened? Is Hotch okay? Did he trick Spencer so that he could leave? Where could he go now? Tears prickle at his eyes. Did he mess up? He watches the door. The moon is gone and the sun comes up and there's still no sign of Hotch.

His doctor comes in and looks surprised to see him awake. "Your friend left," he says. Spencer stares at him. "He'll be back in a bit. Some soft of emergency at work. He tried to wake ou, but you didn't budge. Must've been awfully tired, my boy."

Spencer sits up quickly. "He called an hour ago. Said he'd be here soon for you. Are you ready to go home?" Spencer nods.

* * *

Hotch arrives within the hour. "I hope you didn't worry too much. Are you ready?" Spencer grabs his hand and stares into his eyes. "We had an emergency at Quantico. One of my team was shot." Spencer squeezes and Hotch sighs. "It was Morgan. He's alright. He had a vest on, so he's only a little bruised. Everything is okay." Spencer nods but he's still worried.

Who would shoot at someone as good and kind as Derek Morgan? He stands and dresses with Hotch's help.

"He's at our house waiting. He figured you'd want to see him to really know that he's okay." Spencer smiles. Hotch helps him walk to the car. "I'll make you some food once we get you settled. Jack has really missed you." Spencer smiles. "I missed being home," Spencer dares to say. It still feels weird to refer to Aaron's house as his home. Hotch smiles at him.

* * *

When Spencer arrives home Derek comes up and hugs him. "Good to see you, Pretty boy. How are you feeling?" Spencer tears away from the embrace. "Why are you asking about me? You were shot!" Derek grins. "I had a vest on. You were out of commission for a week." Spencer rests against Derek's chest. "I'm alright. Thank you." Derek pets Spencer's hair.

"I brought you more books. We've been waiting for you to come home." Spencer smiles at him and sits on the couch. Jack runs up to him and scrambles onto his lap. "Pence!" He shouts. Spencer pulls the boy up and holds him close. Hotch makes soup and brings Spencer and Jack a bowl. "Would you care to join us for dinner Morgan?" Aaron asks.

"No, but thank you. I should get going so you can get Pretty boy settled." He hugs Spencer and pets Jack before leaving. Hotch sits down beside Spencer and pulls him closer. "Do you want me to feed you?" Hotch asks. Spencer nods. Hotch smiles and gets the bowl ready.

* * *

Spence shakes Aaron until he wakes with a jolt. "Spencer?" He questions groggily. "Aaron, I keep having nightmares," Spencer admits softly. "Do you want to lie down with me?" He asks. Spencer hesitates before nodding. Aaron lifts the covers and Spencer quickly scrambles onto the bed. They settle with Aaron as the big spoon.

"He's dead. I know that doesn't automatically solve anything but it's a fact. He's gone forever," Aaron says. "It wasn't about him," Spencer says. "What was it about?" He asks. "You," Spencer whispers. "You left and I was alone."

Aaron tightens his grip and kisses Spencer's hair. "Never Spencer. Not until you ask me to stay away. You're stuck with me. I'm never going to leave you alone. Not if I can help it. Not on purpose." Spencer sniffles and holds tight to Aaron's hand.

* * *

Spencer wakes warm. Master had never slept through the night with him. Aaron is smiling at him. "Ready to wake up? It's time for breakfast." Spencer stretches and rises. "If you feel safer next to me at night, I wouldn't mind if you continued to sleep in there." Spencer looks at him in surprise. "But when Jack is home I'll have to wake earlier to make him food. Would you prefer if I left you to sleep or if I woke you then?"

Spencer swallows hard. "Wake me, please." Aaron smiles and turns back to walk to the stove like it isn't a big deal.

Spencer spaces off, lost in thought until a bowl is placed before him. It is runny cream of wheat. "It's not too bad," Aaron says. Spencer trusts him. He's seen Aaron feed Jack this before. He takes a small bite and makes a face.

Aaron is chuckling. "Sorry Spence, I was about to add the sugar." He dumps a large spoonful of brown sugar into the bowl and stirs before adding Spencer another bite.

Spencer takes his second bite more tentatively than his first. "Aaron," Spencer whispers. Aaron looks at him. His cheeks are flushed. "Would you... If you don't mind?" He picks up the spoon and feeds him tiny child-sized bites. "You really amaze me," Aaron says. Spencer raises an eyebrow to him.

"You've overcome so much," Hotch says. Spencer flushes and looks down. "I am still not average," he says morosely. "Not average, but I'm almost certain you never were. You'll be back to you soon with how hard you're working." Spencer smiles sadly.

"I knew at the time... I knew I was going to die there. he would get sick of me or I would become too weak and I'd die. There... with him," Spencer says. Aaron holds him close. "And as the days went on, I began to look forward to it more and more. I was in so much pain," he admits. He's sniffling.

"I'm sorry Spencer," he says. His voice is gruff- full of withheld emotion. "I was saved and I owe you my life." Aaron kisses him. "You own me nothing."


	15. Chapter 15

Physical therapy is usually fun. Spencer is basically left alone and allowed to stretch and move. He's allowed full use of the equipment and his usual nurse is good about personal space. Aaron encourages him to play with Jack at home as exercise.

Spencer is in the waiting room waiting to go into physical therapy. Nurse Brian walks out and Spencer's stomach twists. He's the worst nurse to get. He yells and uses more force than necessary. "Spencer," he calls out. Spencer's stomach drops. He gets up slowly feeling nauseous.

He walks to Brian and follows him back, "On the scale," he commands. Spencer steps on the scale and holds as still as he can. "Step off," he's told. He slowly steps away and stands still.

"Follow me," he says. Spencer follows- trying to keep up with the nurse's long, quick stride. "Hurry up Spencer," he growls. Spencer walks near sprint to keep up. His legs burn. "Do your stretches," he's told once they enter the physio room. Spencer is panting and out of breath.

"I don't have all day Spencer." Spencer settles his self onto the ground to stretch. "Are you the mute?" Brain asks. Spencer nods. Close enough. "Man, that guy really fucked you up, didn't he?" Spencer's breath hitches and he stares up at his nurse.

No one had yet been callous with him. Brian kicks him in the side. "Stretches. Jesus Christ, are you deaf too or just stupid?" Spencer winces and begins stretching. His nurse isn't allowed to hit him.

He needs Aaron. He's jerked up and held near Brian's face. "Fine. No stretching. If you're too stupid to manage than you don't deserve it. And no water privileges. Get out there. I'd better see sweat."

Spencer stumbles with the force used to toss him toward the equipment. He quickly climbs on and begins a slow walking pace. He's tired quickly and turns it off to take a break but Brian doesn't allow him to leave.

"Get back on. You've still got forty-five minutes. If you wanted to be able to take breaks you should have taken me seriously earlier." Spencer continues to walk. Tears fall from his face and his body gives in and he falls.

"What a wimp. You were only walking," Brian grumbles. He walks a chair over and helps Spencer sit. "You lasted thirty-three minutes. I think you can do better if you stopped being such a baby."

Spencer continues to sniffle. Falling had hurt his already sore body further. All he wants is to see Aaron and go home. When Aaron arrives Spencer is completely silent. He helps Spencer limp to the car without question. He'll explain whenever he's ready.

They've almost gotten home when Spencer grabs his hand. "Are you alright?" He asks. Spencer shakes his head. Aaron continues to drive calmly but keeps shifting his gaze toward his younger cohort. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Spencer bites his lip. "My nurse today was really rough on me." Aaron raises an eyebrow. "Inappropriately?" Spencer nods. "He kicked me when I was doing stretches because I wasn't moving fast enough." Aaron is shocked. Could this young man not catch a break at all? "Which nurse was it?" He asks. "Nurse Brian. He was so mean," Spencer tells him. Aaron nearly growls. He'll deal with this once he gets home.

"Are you tired? Do you want to watch a movie or would you like to settle down in bed?" Aaron asks Spencer. "I think I'd like to rest. My body hurts." Spencer curls up in Aaron's bed and falls asleep quickly. Aaron pulls out his phone and begins to bark orders. He wants footage. he wants charges filed. He wants revenge, but he will settle on justice.

* * *

Jack climbs into bed and raises an eyebrow when he finds Spencer resting in his father's arms. "Daddy," he kid-whispers. Aaron doesn't stir so he moved down to Spencer. "Spencer?" He says. Spencer's eyes open quickly. "Jack?" He questions. "Spencer, I keep having nightmare. I sleep here too?" Spencer blinks and nods.

Aaron is asleep on his side of the bed and it's late at night. Jack crawls onto the bed between them and cuddles onto his father's arm. "Night Pence," the boy yawns. "Goodnight Jack," Spencer whispers back. The innocence of childhood. There were no questions on why Spencer and his father are in bed together. Spencer closes his eyes again after making sure they're all covered up and falls back to sleep.

* * *

Spencer is sitting at the table diagonal of Rossi. Aaron is next to him. Without being obvious he watches Spencer fidget and wiggle.

"So, Spencer. I hear you read one of my books," he says carefully. Spencer clicks to attention. "Yes sir," he answers immediately. Rossi's face remains passive. "I'm Rossi or David, Spencer." Spencer swallows hard. "Which did you read?"

"All of them sir... Uh, Rossi..." Spencer stutters out. Rossi's eyes widen. "You must read quickly," Rossi inquires. Spencer nods. "Very," Rossi smiles. "Maybe you could lend me assistance with my book in progress?" He asks. Spencer's throat goes dry.

Publish his torture Hotch glares in Rossi's direction. Rossi raises his arms. "As a proofreader! I would never... That would be cruel to ask Spencer. I mean you absolutely no harm."

Spencer's breathing begins to calm. Hotch holds his hand under the table. "I would be honored sir. Thank you," Spencer says with a bright smile. Rossi grins back. "Fantastic! I'll bring it over tomorrow evening if that's alright." Aaron is smiling. "Of course."

* * *

Spencer is sitting on the couch crisscrossed. He has thick glasses on and he's reading through Rossi's book with determination, pausing only momentarily to make a correction or a note. "Spencer," Aaron says. Spencer jumps and looks up at him. "Dinner is done. I didn't mean to startle you." Spencer smiles up at him. Spencer had been happier since Rossi's task than he had nearly the entire time he'd been living with Aaron.

"How's it coming? Is it as good as his last?" Spencer nods vehemently. "It's even better! Oh, he's such a genius," Spencer says dreamily. Aaron smirks. "Make sure you don't actually tell him that."

Spencer follows Aaron to the table and watches Aaron settle Jack into his high chair. "I made mashed potatoes tonight. You should have no problem getting them down." Spencer smiles. He loves mashed potatoes.

Spencer gets into Aaron's bed awkwardly. He's hard a great day or reading and proofreading and eating actual food and friends and, dare he think, family. Aaron is already in bed but not asleep. He has reading glasses on and the lights are still on so that he can read his book.

Spencer comes in after his shower with his long hair still damp. He looks at the bed for a minute before getting into the bed. "Are you ready to sleep? I'll turn the lights off," Hotch offers.

He turns the lights off and gets back into bed. "I'd like to talk with you about something," Spencer says softly. Aaron settles back down comfortably. "Alright. Go on," he says. "You kissed me the other night," Spencer says. Aaron was wondering when this would come up. "I did," he offers simply. Spencer is silent. "I should have asked you first," he says. Spencer shakes his head even though he doesn't know if Hotch can see him or not. "I enjoyed it... I uh," he says but then is silent. Hotch gives him time to figure out what he wants to say. He isn't kept waiting long.

Spencer presses his lips to Hotch's neck. Hotch shivers but remains still. Spencer does it again and Hotch tightens his grip. "May I kiss you? On your lips?" Hotch turns to face Spencer. After a silent moment he leans forward until they're breathing in one another's breath. Spencer moves the rest of the way and presses their lips together.

Hotch doesn't pull back. He doesn't follow his instincts to dominate the kiss either. He follows the flow of Spencer's kiss. Spencer's hand runs down Hotch's chest and he lets out a groan of arousal mindlessly. Spencer intensifies the kiss. He finally pulls away- gaunt cheeks flushed. Plump lips red.

"I... Sorry," Spencer says. "You have nothing to be sorry for," Hotch says patiently. Spencer sniffles and takes a deep breath. "I cant... Physically, I can't do much more than that. I'm not ready for fondling. Is that alright? Is that something you'd want to do with me?"

Hotch smiles sadly. "I want you forever even if you are never ready." Spencer smiles in return.


End file.
